After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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