i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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