If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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