I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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