Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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