the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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