he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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