i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Rumble strips road head = magical
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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