Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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