Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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