He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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