dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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