It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize