The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
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You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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