Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(618): View more from Illinois

here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...

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(618): here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco... http://tfl.nu/ll6l

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(503): View more from Oregon

this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"

(541): View more from Oregon

dude.

(503): View more from Oregon

yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.

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(503): this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor" (541): dude. (503): yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating. http://tfl.nu/t5uc

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...

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(919): I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy... http://tfl.nu/yiqn

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(727): View more from Florida

Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.

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(727): Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America. http://tfl.nu/b8jy

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...

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(908): i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer... http://tfl.nu/lulm

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(361): View more from Texas

She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.

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(361): She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation. http://tfl.nu/alpd

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.

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(250): I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/p0ju

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(847): View more from Illinois

Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?

(312): View more from Illinois

I get to be your mom.

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(847): Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth? (312): I get to be your mom. http://tfl.nu/nmh7

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now

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(+44): I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now http://tfl.nu/a890

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(734): View more from Michigan

The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.

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(734): The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use. http://tfl.nu/kozs

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(813): View more from Florida

Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.

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(813): Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this. http://tfl.nu/u3i1

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover

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(630): I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover http://tfl.nu/rxwn

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(785): View more from Kansas

if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.

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(785): if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start. http://tfl.nu/i0wv

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.

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(908): I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon. http://tfl.nu/vwke

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.

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(202): No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free. http://tfl.nu/2enk

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