it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My life is pants optional.
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