I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize