I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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