alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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