DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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