My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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