he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize