The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
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he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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