i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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