I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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