Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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