I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize