If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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