I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize