Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
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Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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