I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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