The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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