I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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