I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He shit in the fireplace
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize