Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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