I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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