I want to make a zoo with you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize