so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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