I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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