some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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