Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize