Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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