I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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