At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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