I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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