Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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