I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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