how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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