If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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