It was confusing and full of hummus
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize